if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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