loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
