he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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