i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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