And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize