it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
