i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i out mim tonsoeep
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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