Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
