New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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