well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
