Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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