Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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