i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
