I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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