Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize
