The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
