i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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