Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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