Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
