I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
