I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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