The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
