Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
