He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
