would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And then he peed in my hair
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