I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
