So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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