After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
