Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
