this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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