Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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