No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
