I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
