Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Im part way to drunk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
