So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
