Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she told me i tasted like america
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
