I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
