so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
