She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
