I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My dick has a subreddit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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