The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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