Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
