so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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