Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
