I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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