I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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