This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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