the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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