If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize