Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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