i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
