dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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