You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
