do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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