Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
