I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
