I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
