i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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