Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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