I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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