i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
