he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I smell like Dick and happiness
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
