i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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