why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
