my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
