Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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