And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
