Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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