shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
