i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
