What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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