Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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