She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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