So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
