I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
