I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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