Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
