Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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