i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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