Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
