My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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