How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
