if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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